After my long 14 hour day I get a text from the mom of the kids saying she is going out later... I stated that I'd rather she didn't go out. And thats where the night began...
First things first. If you are a parent, NEVER argue in front of or around your children! NEVER! It skews their perception of their "safety" and ultimately causes them great harm mentally.
After cleaning up the living room, since it was a mess... no surprise there... the mom was cleaning the carpet upstairs where the dogs have used as their bathroom everyday for the past week or two. I have always been the one left to clean it, but this time I left it. Why am I the one who is always forced into cleaning up after her? I am not the maid, I am also not the damn babysitter where you come and go as you please. Anyways, after cleaning up a little I noticed something very distinct... she wasn't spending ANY time with the kids. It was purely what she wanted to do, and thats it. She cleaned that spot on the carpet, told the 6 year old to clean her room and take a bath etc. But there was no parenting, no love or connection. When I saw the 6 year old sitting in the hallway crying from her mothers be-ration I asked her to come downstairs and I tried to console her by changing the subject and asking for help with something I didn't need help with. She responded positively so I made jokes at my own expense, its easy to make a child laugh that way. Afterwards, I got the kids to bed, tucked them in and kissed goodnight...
Thats when I noticed the mom playing loud music and the TV volume being excessively loud for after 9pm at night... I asked her to turn down the volume as the kids were trying to sleep and started a nice little snowball... First thing, I KNOW she has Borderline Personality Disorder, and Yes I have read several books and many things online. But I don't think that matters when you are talking about how they treat yourself or your children, you will still have feelings and thoughts that are incredibly strong. Of course I said something about the going out, and as expected from a BP, she had an excuse at every turn. A "reason" for everything. She is also trying to "control" me by making threats about the children and financial and legal matters. One syptom of BPD. She acted 100% confidently and spoke with certainty, however, the things she said made no sense rationally. Thats another symptom. "We were never married so I get 100% custody of the children" - FALSE, "I filed an eviction notice to make you leave, you have 21 days to leave and I filed it 2 days ago" - FALSE, " I can take the kids to my moms and you won't be able to see them" Also FALSE. The grandparents have no custody, meaning if you have 50/50 with the children, if you want to see them, you can. No denying that. Also its kidnapping if you are denied. She also confirmed that I did NOTHING wrong and yet she still acted like an ass. The 6 year old walked in during the middle of it all, I shut up and pretended nothing was wrong, speaking to her normally, "whats wrong? you ok?", she hugged her mom and went to bed.... I made sure to maintain a quiet voice and supportive attitude around her.
Well its late, I'm headed to bed. I will be very busy tomorrow. There is a lot to talk about and discuss... Very horrible thing to put your children through. Make sure its your last resort, and make sure you get non-bias third party advice if you ever do separate. Whether psychiatric or an attorney.
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